Lost love

Lost love

Q: I took the Silva course last March and found it to be a great blessing in my life. I go to level most mornings and evenings and have been faithful to do so ever since taking the class.

The instructor did a great job presenting the course, and he frequently offers continuing educational get-togethers to help with programming, but my problem is one that I feel uncomfortable mentioning in a group, and I never have.

From the outside looking in, my life looks pretty good. Even though I'm divorced, I have a good job, financially stable, own my own home, have two well adjusted children, and get along well with my ex-husband.

Last February, the man I had been dating and I thought I would marry broke off the relationship. Silva helped me greatly to recover from this tremendous pain. I have made a virtually complete recovery from that situation.

My problem deals with friendships. In the last 20 years I can count on my fingers how many friends I have made and still have a few fingers left over.

Before I try to meet another man for a close relationship, I would truly like to learn how to make and keep friends instead of relying on a man to provide a social life for me.

I have boxes full of self-help books and have made significant progress, but there seems to be some essential ingredient missing that I haven't been able to pick out of books.

Basically I am a shy and quite person. I have observed other shy and quite people make friends and keep them within the same groups that I have attempted to be a part of so I don't think that in itself is the major problem. Somehow I have missed something.

I feel like a failure. Life for me is like living in a prison with invisible bars that keep me from the very thing we are meant to experience, which is being connected with others.

I have been faithfully programming for help in this area for months, but I hope that maybe you can give me a better idea of how to approach it. Thank you.

A: First, be sure to check out what may be the best book ever written on making friends and influencing people: Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. The trick is to apply his techniques at your level.

Another great book is The Return to Religion by Dr. Henry Link. It's not about religion. Dale Carnegie recommends it, and you should be able to find one in a library or a used bookstore, or perhaps on the eBay auction. It was extremely popular back in the 1930s, and the advice is still sound.

Use deep levels

It is very important to practice going to very deep levels.

Juan Silva, Jose Silva's brother who worked with him in the early research and was our Director of Foreign Countries for 20 years, says that at those very deep levels, you will ventilate the impediments that keep you from succeeding.

He recommends practicing the Long Relaxation Exercise at least once a week - not just listening to a tape of it and doing it "by rote," but learning it and making sure that you actually do everything that you are instructed to do.

Correct values

It is also important to remember that we have an obligation to help others as well as ourselves. That's why it is so important to work health cases regularly. The more that we can do to help others, the more help we will get for ourselves, from other people and from higher intelligence on the "other side," as Mr. Silva says.

You can get cases to work from www.silvacases.com started by a Silva grad who wanted more cases to work.

And it is important to develop your own support system. This can be done through a Silva Graduate Support Group, or just by finding another Silva grad that you can program for, and who will program for you. The relationships that you develop in this manner will prove extremely helpful in helping you to achieve your goals. Check out the UltraMind Alumni Association web site: www.UltraMind.SupportGroup.ws. Sign the Guestbook and mention what you are working on, so other UltraMind grads can contact you.

Your programming partners will spot things in you and give you suggestions on how to program that you might never think of yourself, and that no stranger is likely to suggest.

The guide that was recommended to us was the original Alcoholics Anonymous book - many people feel that is the best support group there is.

When you get involved, you will discover - as many of us have before you - that when you stop worrying about yourself and start focusing your attention on helping others, you may not even realize how involved you are or how many friends you are making. Without stress. Without trauma.

Proven techniques

This is not just a goody-goody thing; it has been proven time and time again that when we concentrate on helping others, we usually receive even more benefits than the people we help.

But a word of caution: it doesn't work if you are just doing it for the benefits you expect to get out of it. If you sincerely want to help people that you are able to help, and you keep in mind what your need are - plus a little bit more - then you will be happy and prosperous. This is Jose Silva's formula for prosperity and abundance and happiness.

Mr. Silva reminded us frequently that we should help others for the benefits that we might receive. "That's not the right reason," he said. You have to be willing to help others with the full realization that you may never find the solution to your own problem, and in fact may never receive any "benefits" for the service that you give. Any other attitude would be bartering, not serving.

We are happiest when we are solving problems; and it is often easier to help other people solve their problems than it is to solve our own. So helping to solve their problems brings you happiness, and when you are happy, you don't have as many problems - plus you'll have many friends who will be eager to repay you and help you when you need it.

This advice comes without knowing you or even having talked with you, but just from reading your letter, so we don't know what you do to try to get involved in groups and how they might perceive you. That's why you need your own support system.

Please keep us posted on your progress. Don't wait for your Instructor, or for other graduates, to do something. Do what is necessary for your own success and happiness.

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